God is good

I do not deny it. Sometimes, I questioned God's plan for me, for Rem. There were several times that I honestly feel he is not answering my prayers. But the more I go to Church and attend bible studies, the more I felt that I should be grateful for many things.

1) Rem did not suffer from brain injury. Imagine, if I could not even communicate with my brother the way we used to. I would not feel that he is Remington. It is way better to sit on a wheelchair and be your old self than walking but not be able to converse with your friends and family. God saved him from banging his head into that hang bar of the car.

2) Rem did not fall into depression. Throughout the whole ordeal, I have been afraid that my brother will fall into depression, even a mild one. But never did he show any signs. In fact, he is optimistic, full of life and forward thinking. He talks about getting a job as a peer mentor, going to Project Walk to pursue extensive rehab. He surprises me and our family. God made this possible. I feel he is continually healing Rem, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

3) I have to deal with so many things concerning my brother, from his care to home renovations to van purchase. There are dealings with contractors, private occupational therapists, insurance company, lawyers, etc. And on top of it all is my full-time job and being a girlfriend. I could have gone crazy over the past few months due to stress and lack of time management. But God has always been watching over me and letting me get through this without much difficulty.

4) I also feel that God has a plan for our family. He has paved the way for my family to come to Canada and an opportunity for them to re-instate their permanent resident status. Through humanitarian reasons (the son and brother suffering from spinal cord injury), my parents and brothers have been granted Canadian visas to visit and take care of Rem.

5) Sterling's love and support throughout this whole ordeal have proven immensely crucial in our relationship. It further re-affirmed his love for me and my family. God has given Sterling to me as an angel to save me from going crazy. Had it not for him, I would probably be in a way worse mindset right now.

Everyday, I strive to be a better Christian. I talk to God and let Him show me the way to live a healthy Christian life. All my problems, I lift them up to Him. I meet great people who share the same beliefs I do, who I look up to. This is all possible because God is good to those who share relationships with him, to those who never give up on praying.


Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. - Galatians 6:9

Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you. - Psalm 55:22

God is good

I do not deny it. Sometimes, I questioned God's plan for me, for Rem. There were several times that I honestly feel he is not answering my prayers. But the more I go to Church and attend bible studies, the more I felt that I should be grateful for many things.

1) Rem did not suffer from brain injury. Imagine, if I could not even communicate with my brother the way we used to. I would not feel that he is Remington. It is way better to sit on a wheelchair and be your old self than walking but not be able to converse with your friends and family. God saved him from banging his head into that hang bar of the car.

2) Rem did not fall into depression. Throughout the whole ordeal, I have been afraid that my brother will fall into depression, even a mild one. But never did he show any signs. In fact, he is optimistic, full of life and forward thinking. He talks about getting a job as a peer mentor, going to Project Walk to pursue extensive rehab. He surprises me and our family. God made this possible. I feel he is continually healing Rem, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

3) I have to deal with so many things concerning my brother, from his care to home renovations to van purchase. There are dealings with contractors, private occupational therapists, insurance company, lawyers, etc. And on top of it all is my full-time job and being a girlfriend. I could have gone crazy over the past few months due to stress and lack of time management. But God has always been watching over me and letting me get through this without much difficulty.

4) I also feel that God has a plan for our family. He has paved the way for my family to come to Canada and an opportunity for them to re-instate their permanent resident status. Through humanitarian reasons (the son and brother suffering from spinal cord injury), my parents and brothers have been granted Canadian visas to visit and take care of Rem.

5) Sterling's love and support throughout this whole ordeal have proven immensely crucial in our relationship. It further re-affirmed his love for me and my family. God has given Sterling to me as an angel to save me from going crazy. Had it not for him, I would probably be in a way worse mindset right now.

Everyday, I strive to be a better Christian. I talk to God and let Him show me the way to live a healthy Christian life. All my problems, I lift them up to Him. I meet great people who share the same beliefs I do, who I look up to. This is all possible because God is good to those who share relationships with him, to those who never give up on praying.


Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. - Galatians 6:9

Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you. - Psalm 55:22

Slap in the Face. Ouch!

One of the things I hate the most is people questioning my decisions. I get the feeling that my integrity is being put in line. Some people have been giving me that feeling these past few days. And honestly, I cannot shake off the annoyance I feel towards them (although I really want to).

Sometimes, I really do feel alone in dealing with everything. Every big decision I make is met with criticism (Harsh, I must add). I mean, give me a break! These people do not even know the reasons behind my decisions. I do not think they even want to know either. But there they go, questioning me, putting me down, making me feel that I am a useless, inconsiderate person.

Most of my world revolve around my brother's recovery. I will do everything possible to get him up and walking. I guess the decisions that I have been making towards his recovery are pissing some of my relatives off (or only a particular person). I honestly do not think this person even has the right to tell me what to do or diss my decision. Maybe this person just wants me to ask for her opinion on things (As she would say, respect the elders). But aren't I old enough to make my own decisions?

I am very disappointed with the other person. Questioning me came as such a surprise, I found it difficult to bring myself back to be around him without feeling uncomfortable. It's like "WHAM, Lianne, your decisions are bad!" Slap in the face. Ouch!

Something I Remember

One night back in '99, I was talking to my friend Erwin over the phone. And I remember I was crying because "Remington is growing up so fast...He is in high school now." At that time, I guess I was being too emotional over Rem being a teenager.

I never felt this with Kevin and Adrian (For Adrian, maybe because I was already here during his puberty stage). I guess it was because Rem is closer to me in age than Kev and Adrian. I considered him my young brother because we grew up together. We did things together - Ocean Park (HK trips), swimming, guitar lessons, etc. We remembered the same stuff - pet names, breeding pigeons and chicken (Hehe), driver and yaya names, living on Roosevelt Avenue, etc. We had more things in common (still have).

He is the brother I feel most connected to. And he is the brother that I will protect now more than anything else.

In Need OF...

So, the past 3.5 months have been crazy for me. My days are usually 18 hours long. I sleep for only 6 hours. A big downgrade from the 9 hour a day nights. My body is pretty beat up, although not in an anorexic way. I know I am gonna get wrinkle pretty early in life because of stress. I am in desperate need of the following:

- manicure/pedicure (I want black nail polish. They're pretty cool.)
- massage (at least an hour massage)
- a full day of sleep or just lying in bed (Oh that would be bliss!)
- a trip with Sterling (getaway..We need a getaway!)
- an eyebrow threading (They are getting bushy.)
- work pants and winter clothes (My clothes are all too big on me now! I am getting skinny. YAY! But not in a healthy way though. Hmmm...)
- a hockey game
- a win in a poker tourney (HEHE! To boost up my confidence)

Just want to de-stress..somehow by writing on my blog.

Happy Birthday to my great friend Gladys. Oh how I miss her!!!

And my friend Sabeth is getting married next April. I am definitely going to San Francisco! Can't wait!

Baby Step

This past weekend has been one of the greatest weekends of my life! Rem made voluntary, albeit small, movements with his left foot. Oh oh it made my hell of a week. I was sooo happy. Still am.

On top of that, he was able to get out of the rehab centre, get on the cab and go to Grandpa's 85th birthday party. He got dizzy on the cab ride because he's not "used to sitting at the back. I'm used to driving." But at least, he still had the chance to go out.

And now, he knows how to use the computer, brush his teeth and feed himself. Of course, we are still hoping for more, i.e. standing, walking, using his fingers. It will take time. But so far so good. His improvement has been amazingly quick. 3 months and counting.

So, that's the awesome weekend that we had here. Hopefully, there's more great surprising days to come!

GF Strong

After almost three months, Rem has been moved to GF Strong Rehabilitation Centre. As much as it looks depressing (all the people wheeling around in their wheelchairs), Rem seems to be enjoying it more. Livelier atmosphere, less depressing for him. He has more people to interact with, talking about how they got injured, what injury they have and what recovery they want to achieve. These things are very encouraging for Rem. He likes his nurses and therapists there as well - better service, he says.

For the first time in weeks, I feel relieved with his condition. He is continuously improving - legs becoming more sensitive, back muscles getting stronger. Although it is a long long way to go, I am happy with the way things are going now. I have accepted his situation, but there's still a lot of hope and faith inside me, that things will be okay.

Can't sleep...

Mom is leaving tomorrow. It feels like one of my legs will be amputated soon (in 24 hours!). Dad's here, but the amount of care he can give Rem will never compare to Mom's. This translates to more responsibilities for me. Not that I'm complaining.

Stress just gets to me lately. Deteriorating health (I lost at least 10 lbs), slacking off school (Haven't opened my book in 2 weeks), spending less and less time with Sterling. But I cannot give up, because I have to be with Rem all the time. I just feel the need to. I guess I am scared of him falling into frustration, into loneliness, into depression. This is the time for me to prove myself as an older sister, willing to take care of my shoti. I just wish I have more help. That's all...